just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
