my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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