i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
