How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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