Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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