just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dick very happy bro
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
