That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
