I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
