i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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