when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
