I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
