you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
