You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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