dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
