I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
