alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
