Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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