I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
