Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
