Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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