She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just puked most of my soul out..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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