just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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