Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
