Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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