Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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