not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
