I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
