I hope mine doesn't look like that
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
