i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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