Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
