So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
