I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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