would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
