Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
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