Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
