We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
