Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
