Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
