I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
