the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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