When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
