So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
