He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
