...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
