Will you blow on my dice?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
