...so i touched it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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