so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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