My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
