im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
