Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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