I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I pour the whiskey from now on
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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