My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
